how do you say plus size in india?

go figure, all you say is "oohh.... really big!"

I feel like in this city people are distinguished largely by the caste system. If you were born a brahmin you're set to go to school, go to waterworld and have luxury cars outfitted with a driver. If you're an untouchable you're chained to the streets as a sweeper or beggar. the way tourists are seen is of a different nature. tourists are categorized into a class of their own, and within that they're distinguished by the color of their skin, the culture of their features AND shape of their bodies. here i'm not looked at like the white or blonde people in the group. i garner less attention and less attempts of getting ripped off. for all the locals know i could just be a funny asian looking local from the north. but i am separate from most in our group by my body. i'll admit (to hopefully a reader following of 2) that my body has changed dramatically in the last two years, and whether or not i love it, it's something i have to live with now. i'm not going to magically lose 20 pounds in the next day (though the spicy food has been "relieving" me of most of the stuff laying in my digestive tract). my body is going to generally stay this way for the entire trip. and that, is what i've been learning to take in stride.

the first rickshaw ride in the city our "wala" (spell check, rickshaw driver) was teaching us some words in hindi. ik is one, baarish is rain. then he saw a pretty rotund wala and said, "mottu." "Mottu?" we asked. "Yeah," pointing at my fellow rider, "she skinny (in hindi)," then pointing at me, "you, mottu!" Awkward silence... me, "ohhh! i'm fat! wow! well... there goes your tip! ha.. ha.."

last week in a fantastically large clothing store called bazaar.com. "hello hello can i help you?" "nahh just looking... " "no, no maam i can find you clothes, here, here! big stuff yeah!" why don't they make pretty stuff for big people? this stuff looked like maternity clothing. ay... so i checked out some plain cotton "balloon" pants. the man ran to my side, took the band of the pants and stretched them as far as his arms could go. "loook maam! see how far they stretch?! they will fit you!" at this point i realized all the sales people have been watching this little man throw large shirts in front of me, call me big several times and stretch random pairs of pants and skirts until the band could go no more. there was no use escaping the embarrassment, and really no use in being embarrassed. so i sucked up my pride, toughened up my skin and said, "stretchy? THANK GOD!"

space, privacy-- those are words with different meaning here. it's not taboo to comment on someone's weight. in the usa there's ads everywhere, there's diets to and fro. it's okay to write a book about how you should lose weight, it's okay to give advice, but it's never okay to say, 'you've gained weight'. maybe i've been desensitized to my weight. maybe i'm too sensitive. i don't know. all i know is that when the first rickshaw driver told me i'm fat i was offended. i wanted to die. sometimes, when i see everyone else buying clothes left and right i still want to just kinda... crawl into a hole (or in my case a large cavern) and let the dreariness and emotion wear away my fatty rolls. but i have to suck it up. i cannot and will not let my weight get in the way of my experience. sure, i will let it in and recognize how i'm treated differently because of it! but it'll be my goal and my fight, to take all-- of--- this-- (gesturing to mahhh body) and handle it with grace.

from india with fat,

donelyn